Have you ever been gaslighted? If you have (yikes) you know the emotional toll it takes. Gaslighting, a psychological manipulation technique, occurs when someone tries to convince you that your reality is untrue. It’s a tactic designed to intimidate, control and destabilize the victim. Its effects are still widely underestimated in both personal and professional environments.
In the business world, the consequences of gaslighting are severe—not just for the individual but for any organization that is working to create healthier cultures complete with psychological safety and hard, honest dialog. This brings us to a crucial topic: The importance of standing up for differences of opinion—especially in the face of gaslighting. It’s one of the most powerful things we can learn to do.
A Personal Story
Less than a decade ago, when I was in my last role with a communications training company, I worked diligently to expand our offerings to include leadership communication skills—an area I was experienced in and I knew was becoming increasingly important as the workplace and culture shifted. But weeks after putting in this extra effort, the sales manager told me that developing the leadership communication arm of the business had never been part of the plan. He said, “We’re sticking with just presentation skills because that’s what generates the most revenue.” Despite the hours I had put in, despite the clear direction I had been given, my contributions were dismissed—and I was made to feel like I was crazy for heading down this path.
Luckily, I was fairly confident, clear about what had been discussed, and privy to how gaslighting works. My story ends well because it actually motivated me to relaunch my business a few months later. I had options…but….
This is a classic example of gaslighting, where the person is made to doubt their own reality. And gaslighting is common, both in professional settings and in personal relationships (stories for another day). While most gaslighting happens behind closed doors, we also see it in public forums—on a grand scale, no less.
Zelensky: Gaslighting in Real Time
When President Trump told Ukrainian President Zelensky earlier this month that he instigated the war with Russia, many of us watched in disbelief. How could a leader make such a statement in front of the world? Zelensky had been enduring a war, initiated by Russia, for more than 3 years—one that had resulted in thousands of deaths and immense suffering. The world had been watching.
Yet, despite the clear reality of the situation, Trump chose to publicly gaslight him. To instill painful public humiliation. And here’s the most troubling part—where were the allies in the room? Why didn’t anyone stand up and call out this blatant falsehood, no matter their political leanings? Why didn’t anyone step forward to defend the truth?
Those who gaslight often target people when they’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and vulnerable. So when we’re faced with such attacks in public, especially when they involve power and influence, instead of ‘fight or flight’ humans often resort to ‘freeze’.
Silent or Speak?
This leads to the question: Why do so many remain silent and allow intimidation and gaslighting to continue unchecked? There is a natural fear of retribution—whether in the form of losing one’s job, reputation, or being ostracized. Fear often keeps people from doing what’s right. But I am confident that becoming more vocal in these moments is crucial.
Standing up for others, especially those who are powerless in the face of such manipulation, plays a big part in creating a healthier workplace and society. Whether it’s advocating for a colleague whose ideas are being disregarded or dismissed or standing up for someone being unfairly blamed for something they didn’t do, there must be more people willing to confront; to disagree and not just wait for the moment to pass.
I understand the importance of ensuring our safety. We need our jobs and livelihoods and to feed and clothe our kids. But I am certain that if we become proactive to gaslighting (perhaps we should expect more, not less) and more people become willing to advocate for themselves and others, we at the very least, will have the chance to influence the power dynamic. At work. And in the United States of America.
Freedom of Speech: Women – Men — DEI
It’s hard to advocate for yourself and others, especially when you’re exhausted, and stress is chronically high. But this is a learnable skill, one that can actually provide you energy as you get out of your comfort zone, step into this new territory, and practice these skills. People can learn to stay firm but grounded. The only other choice is to stand by and watch like what we saw with Volodymyr Zelensky.
We can protect not only our own integrity but that of those around us. More men can stand up for women. More women can stand up for other women. And for men. And we all can support those who may not have the same privilege or power as we do.
Standing up for ourselves and others is a critical part of dismantling the toxic dynamics that allow gaslighting and intimidation to thrive. It’s about creating a culture (and a world) where truth is valued—and where people can count on each other to stand up against untruths, no matter how big or small.
If we don’t what will our future hold?
Today, the need for allies is greater than ever. We can watch all of this unfold from the sidelines. Or the front lines, while becoming allies, speaking truthfully, and advocating for what is right.
Donna Rustigian Mac is the President of iVoice Communication, Inc., a company dedicated to developing confident speakers, successful interpersonal communicators, and healthy human connections through effective communication.
Email: Donna@iVoiceCommunication.com
