The following is an excerpt from Guide to a Richer Life, You’re Your Worth, Find Your Voice, Speak Your Truth.
A strong communication foundation begins with understanding and abiding by two rules: The Golden Rule and The Silver Rule.
You know The Golden Rule: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You. As you speak and communicate, do you try to open the lines of communication instead of shutting people down? Do you work to ensure that no one is purposefully hurt in the process? Do you consistently seek win/win/wins for all parties involved as you communicate? This is The Golden Rule.
Seeking win/win/wins is a powerful process, helps you envision the larger picture (like what will happen in the future), and proves that there are always at least three sides to every communication story.
Professionally, you are looking for wins for:
1. You.
2. The person(s) with whom you’re speaking.
3. The company; your department, and/or your clients or whoever (or whatever) else is being affected. (The third side)
Personally, you are looking for wins for:
1. You.
2. The person(s) with whom you’re speaking.
3. The entire family, or whoever else is being affected. (The third side)
The second rule of effective communication is called The Silver Rule. The Silver Rule is a simplified version of The Serenity Prayer:
“Let us accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
~Reinhold Niebuhr, author
With the Silver Rule and the knowledge that we can only change or regulate ourselves, the next questions to ask are, “Do you have what it takes to affect the changes you’d like to see, and, how can you influence those changes?”
Get clear. There’s never been a more important time in history to have clarity on precisely what you want and need. Do your homework. For example, if you want to affect legislation, find out which politician oversees your district, town or state. What laws are currently on the books? Begin to have conversations to determine the specifics, listen intently, and learn to speak their language.
Once you are clear on what you need, practice articulating “the ask”.
The most valuable portion of your ask happens right up front. Communicate why this is important to:
1. You
2. Your listener and…
3. The third side (Example: the third side could be the community, the bottom line or future generations).
When you understand what is important to your listener, in addition to what is important to you, plus where you are aligned and who else is being affected, you’ll have a much greater chance of getting your listener to lean in to hear what you have to say.
Influence isn’t built overnight. It takes skill and is a practice. So, in addition to clarity, seek consistency. And remember The Golden Rule and The Silver Rule.
